I think many times we dun dare to say no, because we care too much about others' feeling. And i think you are right, that if we have friends who mind when we said no, perhaps that friendship need some examination.
I think you put forward the different scenarios in a detailed and easily understandable manner.
There’s no reason why you have to say “Yes” to everyone. In fact, there are often many times when you should turn them down. If you find yourself agreeing to do things when you really don’t want to, you’re a people pleaser. In general, this isn’t a bad trait to have, but it can be a huge stressor.
jackie sheeler
· 1 year ago
great post. came at the perfect time for me, too, as i just had to say no to a request for a recommendation. it was definitely good to be reminded that i don't have to give an excuse: no is no. thanks!
Carol Deckert
· 1 year ago
David, this was a great post and very timely. In today's world, we are all running around, trying to do as much as possible, in as short a period of time as possible. When friends or business acquaintances request our help it seems much easier to just say yes, and figure out later how to make it work, than it is to politely refuse and share a reason for your refusal. Saying yes when you really want to say no causes undue stress and frustration on you - no one else! Do you honestly think that the person requesting your help will no longer be a friend or acquaintance if you say no to their request? As long as it is done in a loving, caring manner, there is nothing at all wrong with saying no. The next time you receive a request like that, evaluate it and decide if you have the proper time to devote to helping solve that problem and if you do, then great - say yes, but if you don't, tell the person why you don't and offer to help them in some way at another time.
This is all part of building a relationship and relationships must be give and take. Act professional, respond professionally and it will not matter which way you respond, with either a yes or a no, you will be respected for your response.
Keep up the great discussion David - this is great information.
This is a very helpful article for everyone who tends to say yes to avoid conflict. I think it is important to bend, but only on your terms. Don't lie, is so important. too many people get caught out on this one which only brings embarrassment and guilt later.
Be upfront with the "NO". Don't be defensive and don't feel you need to give more of an explanation than you feel comfortable with.
Great advice.
Thanks for the reminders.
Nick
eulogy samples
· 1 year ago
This is my second comment I am getting hooked unto this website.
I mean this website has so many relevant topics. I think that in the end all that matters is that we have to be brave and do what we like, say what we like...
Cos in life there is no turning back..
Anjela
· 1 year ago
There’s no reason why you have to say “Yes” to everyone. In fact, there are often many times when you should turn them down. If you find yourself agreeing to do things when you really don’t want to, you’re a people pleaser. In general, this isn’t a bad trait to have, but it can be a huge stressor.
Thank you all for your comments. As you have been flagging up - you don't have to say "yes". But if you are in the habit of saying yes, trying to say no can be difficult. It does take practice. And as Nick reiterates - don't lie!
Saying no is so hard! And I really cant say no to so many people.... I will try out what you said and see how it goes..
I think it also depend on how people will take it....
Ron Lambert
· 1 year ago
In teaching boundaries to my clients I have always said that "no" was a complete sentence. I was pleasantly surprised to stumble over a blog that shows so many ways to use that sentence. Good work.
I recently completed the third section in an article about building and maintaining personal boundaries. I enjoyed your article so much that I linked it to the saying NO part to help my readers learn how. As I said before, good work!
How about saying no to something that you regret saying yes to? I committed to something that I wish I didn't - is there a graceful way out of this? Just be honest and say exactly this? That I regret committing and I have to say no?
Nancy
· 7 months ago
Excellent article.
After I read your article I totally agree that honesty is the best policy. I don't think I am a people pleaser but often I might send the wrong message because I am very polite. Friendship should be give and take. Don't expect one person to pay for everything. For instance, I have a friend visiting me from Demark. He stays in my house for a week. I took him to places, shows, dinners, sport events, etc. The first day he's in town I offer to treat him to a very expensive dinner. After that he either assumes or having the expectations that he stays for a week only so I should catering to his needs. He never offers to pay for anything. After spending $500 for the first two days I finally say "no" to him when he asks me to go to Mall of America, to shop and to have dinner there. I politely tell him that I am "DONE" spending money for the week. I don't want to go to Mall of American and I will not spend anymore money for foods, entertainments, drinks or shoppings. Being politely is not the same as being easy. Some people just don't get it. Don't feel guilty repeating "NO" until they get the message. Some people can push it to the limit. Just walk away from people who are trying to take advantage of you.
David
· 7 months ago
Carrie - we all make decisions that we later regret. Changing our mind isn't a major sin. Look at the "bill of rights" on my assertiveness posts. As you say, be honest, apologise once, and state your new decision - giving whatever explanation you deem appropriate. But don't get into a discussion and dilute your new decision - use broken record to repeat your "no" Nancy - thanks for your compliments and sharing your experience.
Montana
· 5 months ago
@carrie Ya, standing your ground on the decision change is paramount, changing your mind once is ok, changing it twice on the same subject is impardonable
All Comments
I think many times we dun dare to say no, because we care too much about others' feeling. And i think you are right, that if we have friends who mind when we said no, perhaps that friendship need some examination.
I think you put forward the different scenarios in a detailed and easily understandable manner.
Thanks for the article,
Henry
<abbr>Henrys last blog post..Barclays Premier League Spotlight - Pivotal Players For Club</abbr>
This is all part of building a relationship and relationships must be give and take. Act professional, respond professionally and it will not matter which way you respond, with either a yes or a no, you will be respected for your response.
Keep up the great discussion David - this is great information.
Happy Netweaving,
Carol Deckert
Netweaving/Networking Coach
RUNLancaster.com
http://www.runlancaster.com/blog
http://www.linkedin.com/in/caroldeckert
http://twitter.com/caroldeckert
This is a very helpful article for everyone who tends to say yes to avoid conflict. I think it is important to bend, but only on your terms. Don't lie, is so important. too many people get caught out on this one which only brings embarrassment and guilt later.
Be upfront with the "NO". Don't be defensive and don't feel you need to give more of an explanation than you feel comfortable with.
Great advice.
Thanks for the reminders.
Nick
I mean this website has so many relevant topics. I think that in the end all that matters is that we have to be brave and do what we like, say what we like...
Cos in life there is no turning back..
<abbr>Anjelas last blog post..Escondido, California</abbr>
<abbr>Davids last blog post..How to Say No</abbr>
I think it also depend on how people will take it....
<abbr></abbr><abbr>Ron Lamberts last blog post..Sticks and Stones and Ladders Can Break Your Bones</abbr>
<abbr></abbr><abbr>Ron Lamberts last blog post..How Reese’s Cups and a Dime Ruined My Life (Part Two of Two)</abbr>
After I read your article I totally agree that honesty is the best policy. I don't think I am a people pleaser but often I might send the wrong message because I am very polite. Friendship should be give and take. Don't expect one person to pay for everything. For instance, I have a friend visiting me from Demark. He stays in my house for a week. I took him to places, shows, dinners, sport events, etc. The first day he's in town I offer to treat him to a very expensive dinner. After that he either assumes or having the expectations that he stays for a week only so I should catering to his needs. He never offers to pay for anything. After spending $500 for the first two days I finally say "no" to him when he asks me to go to Mall of America, to shop and to have dinner there. I politely tell him that I am "DONE" spending money for the week. I don't want to go to Mall of American and I will not spend anymore money for foods, entertainments, drinks or shoppings. Being politely is not the same as being easy. Some people just don't get it. Don't feel guilty repeating "NO" until they get the message. Some people can push it to the limit. Just walk away from people who are trying to take advantage of you.
Nancy - thanks for your compliments and sharing your experience.
Ya, standing your ground on the decision change is paramount, changing your mind once is ok, changing it twice on the same subject is impardonable